Intimacy and Core Wounds

As a Vallejo family law lawyer, I also litigate cases involving divorce, juvenile dependency and delinquency, marital property rights, support obligations, and paternity.If you're thinking of meeting with a Vallejo family law lawyer, this is a comprehensive list of everything you might need1. Information about your marital status: All marriage information (past and present).

Unlike the kind of partnership and dependency that many of us seek to complement our lives, the love and romance addict searches for someone outside of themselves to provide the emotional stability they lack within. Working to escape their own emptiness, they may find troubled or emotionally challenged partners to focus on, thereby giving away to others what they most want for themselves."I didn't know marriage would be so hard." -- A clientTo enter into a long-term, intimate relationship at first seems alive, safe and grounded. However, as each person grows and deepens, communications between couples start to be more challenging, filled with conflict. What happens? As a child, you witness and absorb your parents' relationship, experienced the way the family expressed feelings and beliefs, which informed your beliefs about intimacy. A client told me that her husband believed they didn't have to work on their marriage. That they could just glide through, let conflict pass. You don't have to discuss, change or grow. It just is what it is. However, to do nothing, to not make choices, to not communicate, leads to numb, dead and empty relationships. Look around you. Read the statistics. One out of three couples are divorced.Romantic love, true love and happy endings come as the last part of the journey of a long-term relationship. Or, it comes after many trials and tribulations of learning the wisdom of life. We come into relationships with different DNA, genes, family of origin patterns, wounds, beliefs, values and attitudes than our partners. At first we say, this person will make my life whole, fill up the voids. It takes two years until all of the shadow parts: the deeper feelings/beliefs of core wounds, the unresolved memories of childhood, surface. These behaviors and emotions start to show up in the relationship through unconscious patterns and defenses that stop love from growing. Your husband becomes your father. Your wife becomes your mother. Emotionally, you act out the childhood wounds that never got met. We are blinded, in denial of who we marry or commit to. We see fantasies, delusions and stories of true love that fail us in adulthood.I believe we are brought into our relationships through destiny. We are attracted to another at first for various physical characteristics and values. Mostly, we are unaware of what hides beneath the surface. Your conscious mind plays out the "idea" of love and relationship, but it is your subconscious learned beliefs that eventually begin to control the relationship dynamic. You are shocked when you realize that your mate is an addict, or cold, or distant, or unforgiving, or juvenile dependency withholding, or needy, or overbearing, or, or, or... The signs, the doubts and the fears you push away about the other, all that feels uneasy, unmentionable and uncomfortable, you ignore. You believe that all of what worries you about your significant other will change, disappear or vanish once you are bound in marriage. Yes, at first, you do see the heart and soul of the person. The goodness of who this person really is.